Looking like an angel
by shadow.walk
Summary: Almost three years have past since Katniss won the Games and although life is good in the Victor Village, nothing is the same as before. Prim is worried that she might get reaped, again, and that this time there is no chance for her get out of it. Or what if her annoying best friend Rory Hawthorne, who's also very cute btw, gets reaped?
1. Nothing is the same

So, this is my first fanfiction ever, because I`m pretty unsure about how to write characters that existed in other people's mind. So, I have really no idea if this is any good and if I can just Prim in any way... I hope so, but I'm really not sure and I reeeally wish you guys like it nonetheless.

And btw, english is not my first language, so I hope I don't make too many mistakes and that it's still readable 3

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Stroking the cats fur, I sit on the comfortable couch in the living room. It's quite impressive that we even have a living room and I'm still not sure if I will ever get used to it. I actually liked the old house, the one we were living in before Katniss won the 74th Hunger Games. I know that it was seated in the Seam and pretty broken-down, not really a good place to live in, but I lived my whole life there. When I was little, my father had woken me up, he had taken me to places I would never go by myself. Shortly said: It's the place where I had my dad.

But that's in the past. To be exact it's already been three years since we moved to the Victor's Village. Three whole years living without a single worry. Well, at least we could live without worry. But we don't. My mum is sometimes still depressed and just hides in her own room, Katniss is restless and very unhappy. I don't know how to help. The only thing I can do to make her feel better is talk to her, be with her, try to cheer her up. But it never quite works. She isn't her old self, she is nowhere near the old Katniss Everdeen. These days she isn't the girl who was on fire. It's not that she is hiding in her room, like mum. She's just out, out in the woods with Gale, hunting, trying to be normal, trying to get her old life back. Trying to forget the Games ever happened. But she never does. I can hear it when she sleeps. Screaming, kicking and waking up with tears in her eyes. She never admits it. Refuses to talk about it. I know I'm not a shrink, but that's not what she needs anyway. She needs family, she needs to know that we love her but she won't let us. I'm worried sick and I hate it to feel so powerless. I just want to help my big sister but how can I do that if she refuses to admit that she needs help?

Buttercup hisses and I sit straight up, trying to shake off these sad thoughts and look out of the window, because someone was knocking on them. It's still raining outside. Pouring like there is no tomorrow and I hardly see the figure that is standing outside because it's very dark outside and the person is mostly dressed in black. Buttercup jumps off from my lap and I sigh, stand up and walk to the window, after I looked harder. Yup. It's who I thought it was. Opening a door, I force a smile on my face, because I'm not in the mood for stupid jokes and lame tries to cheer me up. I know he tries hard to make me feel better and I really appreciate that, but today is not a good day. It's reaping day.

"Well, aren't you dressed up pretty?", asks the boy with the brownish hair and dark grey eyes who's standing all soaked on the sidewalk. He doesn't ask if he can come in. He's just standing there in the rain, about to catch a cold. For about a minute I just stare at him and then go to the side so that he can come in.

Rory Hawthorne has a very confident walk. It seems like he thinks he owns the world. It's pretty unnerving but as a close friend I'm very much used to it so that I don't roll my eyes at his arrogant behavior. At least I know that he tries to survive by deceiving his hunters. There are a lot of people that don't like the second oldest Hawthorne kid. As for me? I like him. Like, a lot. I know I shouldn't. He's no good for me, we don't have a single thing in common, but weirdly we have so much we can talk about. Sometimes it's scary when were sitting in our garden, talking for hours, forgetting what time it is just to realize that it's well past midnight and we should be in bed. He makes me laugh. Even if I don't want to. He makes me feel comfortable and safe, although I know we're constantly watched and regarded as threats.

"Could say the same about you. Got your best clothes out of the closet?" A teeny tiny smile hushes over my lips before it disappears again and I close the door behind Rory. I don't have to pretend like everything is fine, because Rory is one of the few people that know that nothing is fine. Nothing at all. But it helps to joke around. At least a little bit. I'm still worried about later. I know my name is only three times in there. But three years ago it was only in there once and it was picked. So ever since that I'm pretty shaky at the day of the Reaping. Because the odds are not really in my favor.

Rory seats himself on the couch, well, more slouching than really sitting and upsets Buttercup who hisses again and leaves his place on the comfy couch to go to his basket. Ever since we live in this big house Buttercup is very picky and always finds something he doesn't like. I don't know what's up with him. Maybe the whole being rich thing got to his head.

Anyway, I sit myself beside Rory, try to look as calm as possible and let out a tiny sigh. I know that he is looking at me, I can see it out of my periphery vision, I know his grey as that are so usual in District 12 try to see through my eyes, through everything into my soul. He does that a lot. He has such a good knowledge of human nature. In front of him you can't pretend, because it never works. At least not with me. He knows when I'm lying it's insane. Most of the time I think that he knows me better than I do and that is pretty scary but than again it's also comforting. Having someone that gets you out of trouble (not that I'm in trouble on a daily basis), someone that can help you fix your problems, someone who likes you with all your faults. I know that people think I'm this perfect little girl. Helping my mum with the wounded, helping out the poor people in the Seam. Some even say I'm like an angel. With my blonde hair and the blue eyes. And I don't say that I'm really a bad person. I'm not, I know that because I couldn't hurt anyone. Not on purpose at least. "One squirrel for your thoughts.", says Rory with a little smile on his face. He looks like he is at home and I guess this really feels like home to him.

"It's nothing... Just..." I shrug my shoulders, not sure about what to say. I don't wanna share my thoughts with him, not today. It would be best if I could crawl back into my bed and hide out from the Reaping. I hate this feeling. Having to fear something you know you can't do anything about. If I am reaped again, I'm dead. Katniss can't volunteer for me. I know a lot of people like me, but no friendship goes that far. I wouldn't do it, because the chances of winning are slim. Almost non existent. Katniss is something entirely different. She is strong, she knows what she wants, she fought until the end. And although she is the strongest person I've ever known, the Games broke her. They made a new person out of her and I hate it. I hate all of it. "We should get going. I think my mom is already there and it's almost time anyways." I stand up, walk over to the mirror, brush slightly through my hair and walk out the door without looking if Rory is coming. He will come, eventually.


	2. Here and now

I can hear Rory behind me. He tries to walk as quiet as possible, but I can hear him. In the last couple of years I trained my hearing. I don't know why. I just thought it would be best if no one could surprise me. I like surprises. If they involve wrapped up presents and birthday cakes and stuff. But getting surprised on the streets because I couldn't hear the one sneaking up on me... If I can avoid it, why don't just do it? That's why I sometimes just sat in the middle of the night on the front porch, hidden behind the bushes and listened. To the birds. To the owls. To the men walking on the street, which, honestly weren't that many people because the only victors from District 12 were my sister Katniss and Haymitch. And Haymitch almost never leaves his house except for buying his liquor.

You would have thought that bringing one tribute out alive would change him, but no. He was still the old, drunk Haymitch who was supposed to look after his tributes and don't lie drunk in some weird corner, not caring at all if the kids from his District made it out alive. Well, I guess that what it's like with him. I never actually experienced it, thanks to my big sister. Sometimes I think that I should've been the one in the arena. Of course If that was the case I would be dead right now and wouldn't walk to my third reaping. But you know... If Katniss hadn't volunteered, she would still be happy. She would be mourning me, but she would get over it eventually. Imagine me going into the arena now. Then her volunteering for me would've been for nothing. I would still die and both she and my mother would go insane. Maybe I think too much of me, but really, Katniss went into the Games for me, my mother hadn't really taken fathers death well, so.. If I would die, what would be left?

"I hate Reaping day. You're always so quiet and thoughtful and I have no idea what you're thinking. I would really give you a squirrel, if you tell me what's behind that gorgeous blue eyes." I look up, looked at Rory and bit my lip. Nervously I tuck one strand of hair behind my ears, look quickly away and blush a little. I know, I'm fifteen and pretty mature, I guess. But if Rory was concerned... He just had this effect on me which I wished he wouldn't have. Our friendship would be much easier without me getting all girly and blushing and nervous.

"You just hate it because I'm a little bit different than usual? It's not like I'm never thinking about stuff when you're around." I still avoid answering him directly. Not because I don't trust him. Maybe Rory is the only person I really trust, besides my mother and Katniss. I just feel like my thoughts are so dumb and stupid and that he would laugh about me. And that alone is dumb and stupid, but I can't help it. Sometimes I'm a little self-conscious and insecure. I mean, I'm good with people. I can talk to them, I can try to make them laugh and I feel quite comfortable doing so. I do it all the time, it's nothing for me. But inside.. Inside I think too much. What if I said something wrong? What if my joke wasn't actually funny and I insulted someone, without me knowing? What if the other person didn't like me and just forced that smile on the face? Too many question, not enough time to answer them all.

Rory just looks at me with this beautiful grey eyes and I dare a peak but glance away very quickly. I just can't resist them. Even today. "Okay, if you really want to know." I sigh heavily, showing him that this is absolutely not what I wanted. "I thought about the 74th Hunger Games. That, if Katniss wouldn't have volunteered she wouldn't be like she is now, you now?" It was actually not very much information. Rory knows what I'm talking about anyway, he just knows me that well. I don't look at him. Stare straight ahead and watch my feet splashing the puddles on the way. It's not a very long walk, but for me it seems to take forever. And on the other hand it's too short. I don't want to get to the market, where all the people from the District would gather and watch two children walk the steps to their sure death. Like last year. And the year before. After Katniss, there were no other victors. The girl and the boy from last year died by the Cornucopia, during the bloodbath. They were so arrogant to believe that they could outshine Katniss and bring home the victory. It just got them killed very quickly and painfully.

After Katniss came home, most of the people in the District did look more like there was still hope. They started to believe that everything was possible, you only have to fight. Or at least try. That year there were many whippings. And people said that it was worth it. After the tributes in the 75th Hunger Games both died after three days you could see the hope vanishing from their eyes. The year after that it was like no hope was left and the people looked almost dead again.

"Not a very happy thought.", is all Rory says. Okay, weird. Usually he got more to say, regardless of what I said. I look up, see him grinning and I frown. What's up with him? This is not a good day. It's the worst day of the year. Well, almost. The worst day is the day the victors from the Games come here and we have to pretend like we're happy for them although maybe a friend, a family member or a lover died instead of them.

"Did you eat a clown for breakfast or what? This is reaping day and there is no place for a happy thought in my mind." We almost reached the market. I can already hear people talking to each other, or rather whispering. No one wants others to overhear their conversation. I slow down, nearly automatic, to delay my arrival. I don't want to stand in the crowd. I don't want to look at the faces from all my friends, looking into their scared features. See them shivering. I just can't.

Suddenly I'm yanked away, dragged into a deserted and very small street, framed by the walls from houses. Surprised I look up, into Rory's face and there is definitely confusion on my face. "I'm sorry. I just.. Around you I can't help it to feel happy." I think I might die. Right here. Because what Rory says is so out of nowhere and sweet and weird and I have no clue what to say to that. I mean, I totally feel the same. I love being around him, spending time with him. But why does he say that now? Why not yesterday? Or the day before that? Or last week? There was plenty of time for him to tell me that. Why now? "Yeah, unusual timing here, but you now that I'm all for unexpected twists of events." A small smile crosses his face and I can't help it to see how his whole face lights up with that smile. How it's not just on his lips, but in his eyes as well and in the little dimple near his cheeks. When he smiles, his usually tight, hard lines just vanish and make room for all the happiness in the world. I know that sound cheesy, but it's the truth.

And what he says is right. With Rory you never knew. He shows up on your doorstep without saying so, visits you in the middle of the night and convinces you to go with him although you have no idea where you're going to. He gives you a flower just because he feels like it, buys you a cookie, though he in fact can't really afford it. Now that I'm thinking about it, he was always really sweet to me. Had always another surprise in his bag of little miracles. I actually don't know if he treats other people or more accurate other girls like this, but I guess not. I hardly ever see him talk to other girls, to be honest.

"You're so weird.", is all I can whisper while still staring at his face. I can't take my eyes off of him. We never really speak about feelings. At least not our feelings towards each other, so this is pretty new for me and in new situations I'm kind of lost. "Me too." It's almost like I never said the words, like they were just in my mind, but when Rory's smile gets a little bigger I know that he heard.

The Hawthorne boy with the mischievous grin on his face takes my hand, without saying another word and heads straight to the market place. Almost everyone's already there, waiting impatiently. Everyone wants to get this over with. I let out a little sigh, look at our entwined hands, before looking up at Rory. "Good luck." I hear the tiny shake in my voice, clear my throat. I don't want to let got of his hand. It feels so warm against mine, steady and strong. I wish in this moment, that my life was in his hands, so that I could be sure nothing would happen to me.

"See you soon." With his free hand he brushes slightly through my hair, places a kiss on my forehead and walks away. I stand there for a minute, feeling lonely and so very vulnerable. I hope that in a few hours he will be able to hold me in his arms to protect me from everything that's about to come. And I hope that it won't be in the train that's heading to the capitol but our home.


	3. Like nothing ever happened

**So I really hope you guys like it this far and I would reeeeally appreciate it, if I would get some reviews to get better. I don't know, say something about what you like, what you don't and so on. It would help a lot and I would be very grateful :) :3**

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The first thing I notice is Katniss sitting on the stage. She and Haymitch and the mayor and of course the new escort. After Katniss had one the games, Effie Trinket had been elected for another district. District six. Probably not what she had wanted, but still better than District 12, I guess.

As I maneuver my way through the crowd to stand beneath all the fifteen year old children I try to think of something else. To not let myself have horrible thoughts about who is going to die next, who is going to be missed in the District. No, I rather think about.. Unicorns. Or something. I don't know. I just want to get it over with. But of course it's not that simple. Merribeth Golden steps forward, greets us all in the typical high-pitched capitol accent and even makes some jokes. A lame attempt to try to cheer us up, but no one is laughing. Because, well... Merribeth just isn't funny. I liked Effie better. She at least had some charm. Merribeth on the other hand just looked stupid with her green hair and the yellowish dress that probably shines brighter than the sun. Just looking at her is hurting and I don't want to see her anymore, so instead I focus my eyes on my sister.

She sits straight up, scans the crowd with a hard expression on her face and doesn't seem to be very interested in what is going on. Even when the usual film begins, she still looks into the crowd. Maybe she tries to figure out who has the best shot, or who she will under no circumstances mentor. But of course she has nothing to say in this. This is all pure chance and the one that gets reaped, will go into the arena. Doesn't matter if Katniss approves or not. It's good that way, I guess. She couldn't really pick someone, because that would mean she was the one responsible for the death. Maybe she even feels responsible now, because she let all the other District kids from the years before die. I even tried to talk to her about that. Wanted to know how she felt, what she did, why she never opened up to me anymore. I'm sure that she did everything she could to try to make the kids win. I'm very sure about that.

Katniss never talks about the Games. Not hers, not the two after that. I kind of understand her, but it still hurts, because before all this happened we always had talked about everything. Now we could have been just two strangers bizarrely living in the same house. That doesn't mean she isn't taking care of me. No, she is still going hunting, although she doesn't have to anymore. Still trying to get me through the day, though as for right now I'm pretty good at doing that myself. I can cook, because we have always something there to cook. If I wanted I could buy dresses as much as possible and still get away with it. I probably could do anything. Except of course something illegal. But I don't. I like my clothes. I like what we have to eat and I never buy extra sweets or expensive cakes or stuff like that. No. I still live my old life. Just in another home.

These thoughts swirl through my mind and as soon as the short film ends I try to focus back, but I sense how my eyes just look over the crowd like they have their own mind. I know they are trying to find Rory and it doesn't take long. He's staring at me. No smile on his face. The usual hard expression dominates his futures and I get scared. We all know what's about to come. We all fear it. Though we all are in this together, I know that no one will volunteer. Katniss was an exception. She's always an exception. But right now... It doesn't matter. All that matters is that Rory and I get out of this alive.

"So, as usual we will start with the lucky girl!", announces the escort and stalks over to the bowl. Her walking looks weird, like she's trying to hard to walk on the heels. She is so young and probably kind of innocent. She doesn't know what she is doing. At least she looks like it. Like she never questioned the Capitol, like everything she hears she takes for the truth, never questioning anything, always believing. Yeah. That kind of look is plastered on her face and I pity her. I really do, because she has no idea.

I don't know why, but I'm just too fixated on Merribeth to really worry. Of course I'm still afraid that my name is reaped, but for a short moment, as I see her walking towards the bowl I just can't help myself to feel more sorry for the escort than for me. Of course all my thoughts stop immediately, as I hear what girl tribute has to go into the arena.

"The lucky tribute for the 77th Hunger Games is... _Primrose Everdeen._"


	4. They know I'm easy prey

I hear a scream. Someone shouts my name, sounding hysterical. I can't see who it is. I'm too stunned. I can't even move my legs. Just standing in the row of the other 15 years-olds. Although my eyes are wide open I can't see anything. I'm just staring straight ahead, until someone takes my hand and drags me forward. It's no one I knew. A peackeeper. And not one of the good ones. He pushes me towards the stage, not caring at all that I'm stumbling, rather than walking. I almost fall, but I can get my balance back. I don't know how I made it, but a few seconds later I'm standing on the stage, right beside Merribeth. She touches my shoulder shortly, smiles into the crowd and walks fast to the bowl with the names from the boys.  
I'm still standing emotionless. Thoughts swirling through my mind, nothing concrete just... The odds are not in my favour. They never were. I would see my mum for the last time. I would see Rory for the last time without telling him how I feel. Without him knowing that I have a huge crush on him.

I don't hear the name the escort says, I think she doesn't even get finished, before I hear a loud "I volunteer!" I snap back into myself, look into the crowd, because this voice... This voice sounds all too familiar. No, no no no! NO! With his usual confident walk, Rory ascends the stairs, coming to halt right beside me and looking into my eyes. I look at him with a frustrated, sad, angry expression. How could he do this? Why the hell did he volunteer?

"This is exciting! Who are you, if I may ask?" Merribeth's smile is genuine, she's totally unaware of the stares Rory and I share.

"Rory Hawthorne." His voice is steady, sure, not wavering a bit. I see that he isn't shaking, he doesn't seem to be afraid and he looks like he knows what he is doing. I'm not so sure about that. He is stupid. Just plain stupid and I get angry, really pissed, kind of. I am not one to freak out easily. I am a calm person, I don't get angry at other people, because I always feel like I have to help. But if someone is so stupid to volunteer, I don't see how I can help that person, so instead I am very, very pissed.

"Well, well! Give it up for the District 12 Tributes Primrose Everdeen and Rory Hawthorne!" No one applauds. Of course not. They never do, because the reaping and the Hunger Games are not festivities, on the contrary; they are a death sentence for the children, and how can someone be happy about that?

Merribeth looks confused, but maneuvers herself in between Rory and me and pushes our hands in the air. I try to look anywhere but into the crowd. I don't want to see the faces of my friends, my family, my District. I can't. I just can't take it to see them sad and scared. Not if I'm the one standing here. Not with the knowledge that this will be the last time I will see them. No, I want to remember them happy. As happy as you can get in District 12... But I just don't want to remember them miserable. More miserable than usual.

I didn't really intend to, but I feel the tears streaking down my cheeks. I don't wipe them away, because I don't care if people see me cry. They know that I'm weak nonetheless. I'm not tall, I'm not bulky, I'm just very slim and short and don't look very frightening. They know I'm easy prey. I don't need to try to make them believe something else.

It's like three years ago. The people are staring, dead silence, no one makes a sound and then they push their fingers in the air. The salute from our District. A farewell. I start to cry more, can't seem to hold myself up, until I feel Rory's hands on my arm. He brushes it slightly, takes my hand in his and turns us around, so that we can go to the Justice Building where we will say our goodbye's to our loved ones. I am still too stunned and shocked to really say anything. I feel like I might shatter any minute now, the only thing keeping me together is Rory's warm hand in mine. I dare to take a sneak at his face. It looks like it's chiseled in stone. Hard looking eyes, his lips pressed tightly together. You can't tell what he is thinking. Though I know him better than most people, even I don't know what might be going on behind that cold grey eyes. Maybe I don't want to know. Because it seems that I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. The Rory I knew would never be so dumb to volunteer, not even if I got reaped. No, he would have stayed at home, would look after his little sister, would try to help his brother and his mother and would live a long and somewhat happy life. He wouldn't die with me in the arena, not the Rory I knew. But as it turns out I didn't knew Rory.


	5. It's gonna be alright

Three years ago I came into the same room, but not as a tribute, but as a person who had to say goodbye to her sister. Three years ago Katniss Everdeen volunteered for the Hunger Games. Three years ago I ran into this room and thought I had to hug my sister and had to say goodbye to her, maybe for forever. Three years ago I was safe and unharmed, I knew that the people would take care of me and my mum, I knew that I could help others by helping my mother with the sick people. Exactly three years ago my whole life turned upside down. And now here I am, again in this room, only this time not to visit someone, but to be visited.

Heavily I sit down on the sofa, brush slightly over it, before folding my hands in my lap. They are still shaking, though the tears finally dried and now cling to my cheeks. I see tissues on the table but am too tired to go their and wash my face. Now that the first shock is over, all I can feel is a heavy, but still beating heart. It beats fast, faster than normal, but I can't feel sorry for myself right now. Honestly, I don't really know what I feel. Maybe it's the aftermath of the events of the last 20 minutes, maybe I'm too shocked to feel shocked, kind of numb. Maybe it's both, maybe something entirely different. I just hope that in a few minutes I can feel again, because I don't like it how it is now. I'm supposed to be the caring type, I care about things, a lot. And now here I am, being sent to the Capitol to my death and I can't really care about myself. I'm worried about my mother, who will be alone for the next couple of month until Katniss is coming home. I'm worried about Hazelle and Gale and Posy who will see Rory in the arena, probably never see him returning. I'm worried about Katniss who lost already so much and is about to see me go into the arena, though she tried to save me from the Games three years ago. I'm worried about Rory, who seems to have lost his mind, because I otherwise can't explain why he volunteered. I'm worried about all the people that mean so much to me, instead of worrying about myself. It's especially hard when my first visitor arrives. The door is pushed open and my mother enters. I see that she has been crying too, but that she is trying to look strong and confident. Unfortunately that doesn't last very long, for as soon as the door is closed behind her the breaks into an uncontrollable bawling. I immediately stand up, go to her and pull her into a tight hug. My arms feel tiny around her, too weak to really hold my mum together and of course it's not working. She just starts to cry more and I feel my eyes getting wet again.

I don't know what to say, neither does my mum. So we cry silently for a couple of minutes, before I let go of my mother and try to stare into her face. "It's all going to be okay, alright? Katniss will take care of me, Rory will look out for me and I'm sure everything will be just fine." The tightness in my chest returns, far stronger than before, because until this point I have never lied to my mother. I have never lied, period. And it doesn't feel good, it's not helping, quite the opposite. It makes me feel worse than I already do. Though that's a good sign. At least I didn't forget how to feel and I'm slowly returning to a state where I just want to be put under a blanket in the arms of my mother and with Katniss singing to me. It doesn't seem do work for my mother either, because she still cries and her eyes already look puffed and red-rimmed and like she's going to collapse any minute now. I wish I could do something to make her feel better, but I know that there is nothing I can do. How can I be the one holding this family together, if I can't even reassure my mother, if I'm not capable of comforting my sister and if I'm about to leave, for good? I can't make myself think about what might happen if I'm not around. I just can't think about this right now, so I'm kind of glad when the peacekeeper enters and says that mother's time is over. "Prim.." Her voice breaks, tears still streaming down her face and she pulls me into a hug, one that nearly chokes me but I don't mind, bury my head on her shoulder until she is pulled out and I'm alone again. I wish Katniss was here. Or Rory. They would know what to do, what to think, how to handle all this. I hope Rory is stronger than me, I hope that he can soothe his mother and his little sister and of course Gale. Gale is probably shouting at him. I hope he is. Maybe that brings some sense back into his little brother, though now it's already too late for that.

There are many people visiting me and I'm sad that it's over so soon. My friends came, all together and all of them wishing me luck and saying that they hope I make it back, that they will miss me or nothing saying at all. Of course I start crying again, especially when Blue and I hug. Blue is my best friend since we're both five years old and like me she had someone who had to go to the Games, but he was reaped one year ago. Her older brother wasn't as lucky as Katniss and I can sometimes see how she is eyeing me enviously. I understand her and I'm not hurt by it. I don't know how I would feel if her brother would have won and my sister wouldn't be here anymore. I would probably be jealous of her too. Gladly we're both not people who get into arguments a lot. If we have something that concerns us we talk it out. We don't scream at each other, we don't get mad. We just sit and talk until everything's fine again. Sometimes we don't even have to do that, because we understand each other without words. Like we do when she enters the room and runs towards me, pushing us both unto the sofa where we lie for what feels like only a second. "Prim, I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. I don't.. I don't know what to say. Gosh, I wish all of this wouldn't happen. I can't see you go into the Games. I can't loose someone important again." I bite my lip, just look at Blue and can't seem to get any words out. I can't leave her. I just can't. I have to stay to take care of her, without me she will break for sure. I am the only one that makes her smile, that makes that beautiful green eyes turn into a glittering mirror where you can see all of her emotions.

"It's alright Blue... It's gonna be alright." I hug her for the last time, already hearing the peacekeeper approaching to take her away and another one to take me to the car, that'll bring us to the train station. I smile at Blue one last time, wink and let the peacekeeper take me to the car where Merribeth is already waiting and Rory arriving soon after me. We look at each other, without saying anything and he takes my hand, so that we can climb into the car together.


	6. A little break

_Sorry for taking so long! But I was busy with thinking about my future and had no nerves for writing this and actually no real idea how to go on. This chapter isn't really moving anything forward, but I think it's well.. kind of necessary, at least for Prim :D So. Thanks for reading this long, I love you guys :3_

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I feel the sheet under my fingers. The comfortable mattress that will be my bed for the next 24 hours. It takes long to get to the Capitol. Longer than from the other Districts. With District 1 arriving shortly after the reapings, our District always arrives one day later.

I try to think back to the time, when Rory and I sat in our garden, lay side by side and stared straight into the sky. Just three days ago that was exactly where we had been. I can't believe that three days ago my life was so normal. It seems stupid. Even pointless. Because we just lay there and said nothing. Now our time is running out and there is still too much to tell. Especially to my mum. I should've told her that it was fine. That I wasn't mad at her for leaving Katniss and me on our own after father's death. I really am not. My dad was the love of her life. I don't even know how she could survive without him. I'm pretty sure that if the love of MY life would ever die, I would probably die too. I couldn't survive without the one person, that completes me. Though I'm just fifteen and far away from finding this one special man, I can imagine, that someday it could have been Rory. I even dreamed of that one time. Rory and me, in our own home, sitting beside each other, holding hands and laughing at our children, because they were covered in mud and dirt. Yeah. That should've been my future.

Unfortunately that won't happen. No. I'm sitting in a train, leading me to the Capitol where I will be trained in the next week to fight for my life in the arena. I can't believe there is only one week left of my life. One week...

I feel the tears swelling up again and I cough, let myself fall onto the bed and hide my head in the pillow. Over the last couple of minutes I cried like non-stop. I couldn't even face Katniss. That's why I'm in my room. I don't want to see her. I can't see her. I can't see anyone. I just want to be alone. Before I can face anyone, I have to get my mind clear. I have to think everything through. I even try to find something I can say to Katniss. But nothing comes to my mind.

After a while I hear a knock on the door. I sniff, shake my head and collapse onto the bed again. "Just go away! I don't want to see you." I don't care who it is. I'm just too tired. Too tired of everything and I wonder how I will survive the next couple of weeks. Of course I know that I won't. But I mean the one week were no one is allowed to kill me. I won't even make it through that. At least I don't think I can...

The intruder opens the door nonetheless. "I'm sorry. I just... The food is making me full and I feel like I'm going to vomit any minute now, but I'm not sure if it is because of the food or the fact that you are hiding from all of us and...", Rory starts and I can hear how he shuts the door, leans against it and slides down. For a minute I just cry into my pillow, before I sit up and wipe the tears, that still stream down my cheeks, away. Rory looks hurt. Almost frightened. I have never seen him like this before and I can't say it makes me feel better. Yes. I'm still pretty angry at him for volunteering, but I can see that he's maybe already regretting it. It's only what he deserves. Rory's still one lecture short. He hasn't heard mine yet. I'm sure that his family already had quite a few things to say.

"You're so stupid.", I blurt out and stare at him. I don't even want to know how I must look right now. It's for the best, that there is no mirror in my bedroom. I haven't needed the bathroom yet and if I will, I will avoid looking at myself. My hairdo must look all rumpled, my eyes and cheeks must be red and puffy. But Rory still looks straight at me. He doesn't avoid his eyes. It's what I like so much about him. He doesn't get embarrassed very easily. He's always sure about himself, Rory always knows what he wants and what he needs to do to get it.

"I know." For a second Rory looks like he is about to cry, but his face turns immediately into a pokerface. No emotions. "But I had to, Prim. I wouldn't have survived seeing you on television. As soon as your name was said out loud I knew that you need someone to protect you and I have the best chance with that."

His words hurt. They hurt more than I care to admit, because he gave his life up. For me. He left everything, everything he has. For me. If he dies, it's because of me. I will be responsible for the death of my best friend, maybe even more than that. "I wish I could hate you right now.", I whisper honestly. I stand up. No longer able to see him down there all alone. I sit right next to him, take his hand in mine and lay my head on his shoulder. I feel like crying again, but it seems that finally there is nothing left. I can't cry anymore. "You shouldn't have done that. You could get killed. You know that even I can't see you... What if... Rory I.." I don't know what to say, my voice breaks at the end and I feel how Rory takes me in his arms. Slightly stroking my back I sling my arms over his middle, hide my face in his chest and seek comfort in that embrace. I slowly inhale his scent, let it remind me of all the times we laughed, we played and talked with each other. Let it remind me of the woods, the calm and also strength he represents.

"I'd do anything for you." His voice is not much more than a whisper. I can hardly hear him, but it's like I feel the words. They embrace me, fill everything and for a moment I can forget where we are. Right now there are only Rory and I. There are no Districts. No Capitol, no reaping, no hunger games. As long as Rory holds me tightly in his arms, he is all I care about.

And when the real world comes again, it crashes so much stronger, that it leaves me breathless.


End file.
